No, Grandpa, I said “Throw a Wicked Oscar Party.”

The Academy Awards are on the way, live from the Kodak Theatre in L.A. this Sunday. And while I will be unable to watch until later that evening, I still want you to make the most of the evening! So throw a wicked Oscar party. Here’s how:

1) Attire

(I know this was the Golden Globes, but DAMN anyways)

You have to look the part! Now the celebs get diamond encrusted dresses and exorbitant tuxes thrown at them by designers. Not so for you or I. So just get as glamourous and/or debonaire as you can, and make sure your guests are keen too. Points for effort, plus remind them how good they’ll look on facebook in a day or two.

2) Foodz

(Latkes – Thank you verry much.)

It’s the Oscars! What do you think the stars are dining on? Chex Mix? Wolfgang Puck is behind the dining this year in LA, and you can make easy dishes inspired by his cuisine, with the help of Sympatico. Here’s the whole list of goodies.

3) Dranks

Make it a BYOB affair, however, if hosting, you should drop dough on some champion champ. Like Moet or Donny P, or the cluth-cargo Santana DVX: the champanga from the man with the bandana. Just a couple bottles, so people can have a high-class glass, then get back to the Zimas und Shmirnoff Ices they paid for. Also have some pop, juice, or iced tea ready for DD’s and the non-drinking variety.

4) Make it Interesting

While I’m not advocating gambling, I am reminding you it’s a fun possibility. But whether or not there are stakes involved, definitely print out some nominations lists and have every guest guess theirs. Person with the most correct at the end of the show wins! Simpew.

And don’t forget to throw your style into the mix. Make a giant oscar statue with your friends, set up some mood-appropriate glam lighting, or even just roll out a miniature red carpet. It’s all in the details. Then have some fun and don’t rub in that you’re watching while I can’t.

Good ol’ Fort McMurray. There may not be a huge variety of things to do here. But if you’re a) over 18, b) interested in having a couple drinks c) not opposed to being around those who am drinking or d) any combination of the 3, then I have a watering hole destination for every night of your week. And you’ll likely find me there too.

Monday: Longshots. Good staff, great crowd, and comfort after the first day back at work.

Tuesday: Paddy McSwiggins and a whole pile of wings.

Wednesday: Longshots! Open Mic night (or Joey D will spin some excellent tracks)

Thursday: Tavern on Main! Open Mic night hosted by Megan Byblow

Friday: Back to Shots! Karaoke night!

Saturday: The Lion’s Den, where more often than not I’m playing DJ all night.

Sunday: Podollan Pub. Good wind down before doing it all over again. Hot staff too.

P.S.: I apologise for this post looking like a 13 year old girl’s angel fire page from ‘98.

Oh. My. Lord. This is hilarious and so very annoying at the same time. Apparently George Lopez has cast the cast of Jersey Shore in famous scenes from Oscar-nominated films this week. The first up: Inglourious Basterds.

MEETS

-Click Here for Clip-

Ok, that’s the first time Snooki has even been tolerable to me. And it’s also the first time Jwoww has actually looked non-butterfacey. Rude? Enh, still true.

Recognize that little girl in Bieber’s lap? I spoke about her and the hysterical sobbing that J-Bieb inspired in her in this post. She certainly wasn’t crying today when Justin tweeted the pic. The kid knows how to milk it. With a little help from Jimmy Kimmel. The connection was set up and filmed for his show tonight. I can’t help but want to check out Kimmel’s take on all this.

There has been some degree of back lash after the Canadian Women’s Hockey team celebrated their victory over the US in Vancouver. After the medal and bouquet ceremony the girls in Red and White started partying on their home ice. Drinking beer, smoking cigars, horsing around, and admiring their shiny new trophies. I don’t see any problem with it at all. In fact, I think it’s true canuck fashion, and I would love the opportunity to do the same. Here are a few snapshots of the victory debauchery, you decide for yourself.

Double Fisting

Sharing a Stoagie

Accesorizing

Mostly I just like being able to say dirty things on the air and legitimately get away with it. And thus I present (courtesy of the Huffington Post) some of the worst headline mistakes of alllllll time!

-Click Here for Headlines-

Jay’d be proud… that show stealing so and so.

I told you! You didn’t believe me, and with good reason. But the tween girls LOVE Justin Bieber, and while I don’t understand, I’m a little to frightened to argue. You will be too after this clip from Paris, AFTER riots and over crowding forced Bieb’s peeps to cancel appearances in his European mall tour.

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I’m legitimately upset this doesn’t happen to me daily walking around Fort McMurray. Little help, ladies?

Gone (I’d like to think anyways) are the days of judging someone simply by their religion, skin colour, clothing style, sexual orientation and whether or not they like Nickleback. Now, we may judge based on which websites others frequent. Nick Douglas over at lalawag.com put together a list of some extremely popular sites and societies and a one-dimensional description of the average user os said site. Check it out:

• Facebook: Someone you kiiiiinda remember who, if you ignore them, will turn out to be a headhunter (the good kind) and if you accept, will turn out to be a headhunter (the bad kind).
• YouTube: An advanced AI that has nearly mastered swearing and is ready to move on to the rest of human language.
• Wikipedia: People screwing with Wikipedia.
• Pandora: People who left their iPods at home.
• UPS: People getting increasingly excited around midday.
• Craigslist: Your girlfriend.
• Amazon: People buying books.
• Barnesandnoble.com: Barnes & Noble employees.
• Chatroulette: Guys with their dicks out.
• Pornotube: Guys with their dicks out.
• eBay: Guys with their dicks out reflected in a teapot.
• GameSpot: Noobs who can only handle BioShock, Dragon Age, and Dante’s Inferno.
• Yahoo Games: Hardcore gamers who can plunge into the depths of Harry Potter Years 1-4.
• AOL home page: People who don’t get how the web works.
• Google home page: People who don’t get how the search bar works.
• Digg home page: People who don’t get “work.”
• Reddit: People who think Diggers are dumb.
• Metafilter: People who think Redditors are dumb.
• Slashdot: People who think people are dumb.
• WordPress: Bloggers who’d rather be coding.
• Tumblr: Bloggers who’d rather be reading.
• Blogger: Bloggers who’d rather be on WordPress. How the hell do you export from this thing?
• Livejournal: Bloggers who’d rather be dead! Then you’d finally pay them some attention! Well maybe that’s just what they’ll do, Mom!
• Xanga: The 90s.
• Club Penguin: The two’s -to-thirteen’s.
• CNN: People who think they’re reading the news.
• Fark: People who laugh at the word “news.”
• Go.com: Unimaginative people testing a computer at a store.
• Ripoffreport: Ripoff victims.
• BestBuy.com: Ripoff victims.
• Scientology.org: Ripoff victims.
• Bit.ly: People heading somewhere else.
• Gawker: Subjects of Gawker articles.
• IRS.gov: People who are way too on the ball.
• 4chan: Kids pretending to be hackers, hackers pretending to be kids, reporters pretending to be kids pretending to be hackers, child predators, child-predator predators, Han Solo.
• eHarmony: 97% of desperate singles.
• Loopt: 3% of desperate singles.
• AdultFriendFinder: People who will claim tomorrow that they were on eHarmony.
• Evite: People who still refuse to get on Facebook.
• Friendster: Jonathan Abrams, sitting in a quiet room that no one has entered in weeks. He needs a bath.

Some folks just can’t handle it. This little girl is in lurve and just didn’t know how to handle it.

-Click Here fo Clip-

Sometimes he makes me want to cry too, but for very different reasons. Little *blanky blank blankerson*…

The Muppets of Sesame Street, Kermit, Big Bird, Oscar and the gang, have been on tv for 40 years now. And in honour, the National Post has put online an interactive look at 101 of your favourite half-mop/half-puppets. Check it out:

-Click Here for MUPPETS!-