The 68th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards honored the best in television programming last night. Funny man Jimmy Kimmel was the host and did a good job with the jokes but the show was still way too long.
This is a problem with not only the Emmy’s but every award show. This is not necessarily the emcees fault; it’s just the structure of this type of show. The host will come out between every category and do a little shtick to introduce the next set of presenters. Two extremely beautiful but mismatched celebrities will slowly walk from behind back stage trying not to trip on their dress or stare at their co-presenters cleavage. When they get to their mark they bumble and stumble to get their glasses or find the envelope in their jacket pocket. Then there is the standard 5 minute video montage of all of the nominee’s best work with an awkward shot of the actor in their seat trying to look calm, cool and collected.
After the winner is selected we have to watch them struggle out of their seats, kiss and hug everyone around them, waddle out of the middle of the aisle, and slowly walk to the stage. If the winner is a big shot or the popular kid at school they have to stop at every aisle and shake hands other big shots. if it’s not a glamorous category the person is seated way in the back and takes ten minutes for them to get to the stage, by then they are exhausted and need a breather before they climb the huge narrow stack of stairs. The stairs alone take most winners a good minute or two to climb up, especially if the ladies have one of those monster dresses. Why do ladies who are nominated wear these crazy big gowns? They know there’s a possibility of them having to ascend that mountain of embarrassment, why not wear a pant suit? Alright, then we are finally at the speech. Oh my God the speech. I don’t how much time they actually get but it’s never enough. They get up there like they just found the cure to cancer and it’s the biggest accomplishment in the history of man. Most of them are so excited and or drunk they can’t even talk or remember anyone who helped them win. These are professional actors for crying out loud, people who get paid to talk and most of them can’t string two words together when get on stage to accept an award. They all know professional writers; get one of them to whip up a clever, witty speech for you. So after the music finally pushes them off the mic we get to do this 24 more times… dear lord in heaven.
Producers and T.V. executives know this is an issue and the reason why many people don’t watch award shows. I think they have figured out a way to speed things up. Every year there is nominees who for one reason or another don’t show up for an award show. If that person wins the presenters say that they accept the award on their behalf and we skip the whole schmozzle I just spent ten minutes explaining.
This happened last night with the Outstanding Supporting Actor and Actress in a drama categories. Maggie Smith won for her role in “Downton Abby” and Ben Medelsohn won for his work in “Bloodline”. It wasn’t a huge surprise that Maggie wasn’t there given her award show attendance history. She has won a total of four Emmys and been nominated for nine, but she’s yet to attend an actual ceremony. Maybe that’s why she won. The big wigs knew she would show up. Now, Dame Margaret Smith is a very talented and established actor and probably won rightfully for her performance but who the hell is Ben Medelsohn? He’s an Australian character actor who does good work but he beat out some big time actors with great performances of their own. Ol’ Ben beat Peter Dinklage and Kit Harrington from “Game of Thorns”, Jonathan Banks from “Better Call Saul” and the “Mac Daddy” of them all… Jon Voight!! Jon is an Academy and Golden Globe award winner and is great on “Ray Donovan” How did Ben win?
IT’S A CONSPIRACY!!!!
I think those in charge pick winners who are not in attendance to make the show go faster. What?!?! No, they couldn’t, they shouldn’t, they wouldn’t… would they? I don’t know I might be onto something here, but chances are its insane ramblings from an old man. Now where’s my medication? I think “Matlock” is on.